Birthdays come, and birthdays go. And birthdays sometimes suck, you know. I'm having one today, in fact. But, please, no moosehead on a plaque.

I wouldn't like a cream-filled pie, Unless it's tossed in someone's eye. And please, don't send me elephants Cavorting in those capri pants!

I wouldn't mind if you could send A pile of dough that I could spend, But I am fearful a mistake Would get me dough you have to bake.

So don't send that. Instead I'd like A sexy man with a motor bike. No, wait, that might be misconstrued, And I'd wind up with some S/M Dude!

How about just wish me well, And that I'm not in mid-age hell. : þ A card is always nice to get, And shouldn't run you into debt.

Include it in a brand new car, And throw in candy in a jar. Have it driven by a hunk. And please put diamonds in the trunk.

Whatever you should give today I will receive in the nicest way. I will most graciously accept Any treasures that I get.

Except, of course, that moosehead plaque; I guarantee I'll take that back!