Eternal Ache

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Poems about Feelings

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My body aches:
I am lethargic and depressed constantly.
Too tired to even get out of bed.
(Being who I am displeases me.)

The world is so cold:
others judge me for the things I cannot change.
This is not who I wanted to be.

Feeling lost within myself:
I forget who I am sometimes.
I walk this path alone.

One side of me is strong:
the other is much tougher to describe.
When you look at my face,
do you see my pain and self-destruction?

Every single day is a battle with some addiction:
it's like a world of locked doors
and I'm not strong enough to find the keys.

I hate myself:
no longer can I wait for these feelings to subside.
Is this all there is to life?

My life is completely out of control
and I am a disastrous mess.

I am ashamed of what I've done to myself:
I hide behind a mask of relentless shame
and never allow anyone to get too close.

It's been so long since I could be spontaneous:
I stay in my bed for days.
Hiding from the world and who I am...
cowering in my shell is where I'll be.

It's so hard for others to understand:
my thoughts are completely scattered.
I feel so helpless,
a prisoner of my past.

Inside these eyes are unshed tears:
I don't wish to show my weaknessess to others.
Hoping I'll be protected someday,
but too scared of being let down again
to allow others to see the true me.

I never asked to be this person:
I cannot stop my racing thoughts.
I merely exist every day with this disease.
My pain comes from an unreachable place.
My inner light is gone...
who'll want to know me now?



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